Here I am driving to a meeting, so angry, I mean really feeling angry at God. I had asked Him for one simple thing the night before, sleep. You see, the past few nights, like many of our nights, our special needs son Billy was barely sleeping. It is always difficult to get through the day after being up most of the night, but I knew the following day was a big one, and I really needed sleep.
As I tried to clear my mind and drift off to sleep, I once again prayed “Lord, please let Billy sleep, please let me sleep” You see, I had a meeting the following day with those providing care for my Dad after falling and breaking his hip. It was an important meeting with the physical therapist, the social worker, the nurse, and other hospital administrators. We would discuss progress, next steps, and insurance coverage. I needed a clear mind. I needed to be able to ask intelligent and helpful questions. I needed to be able to consider options for his longer term care.
As I prepared for the meeting, doing my best to make my makeup and hair look half way presentable, I just felt exhausted and angry. Billy and I had been up most of the night. My wonderful husband did all he could to help during the night, but there wasn’t much to be done. Billy was up, and when Billy is up, we are all up.
As I walked into the meeting, I thought, ok, I just need to get through it. It won’t go very well. I have major brain fog, but I just need to get through.
Driving home afterwards, I felt drained. I felt tired. But, I also realized that we accomplished all that needed to be done. I had the brain power I needed. Somehow I had pulled it together and formed coherent sentences. Somehow I had participated well and we now had a game plan for my Dad.
Later that evening, as I filled my husband Jeff in on the details and then said “well, I don’t know how, but somehow I managed to get through it, even though I had absolutely no sleep” It hit me like a ton of bricks. God did answer my prayer. I thought the only way I could accomplish what I needed to is with sleep, but God showed me that He will give me strength, even without sleep.
I almost missed it. It made me wonder how many times I miss it and stay angry at God when He did provide, just in a different way than I asked or expected.
